Narcissists won't usually admit to cheating on their partner. his answer will be i am disconnected with my feelings!! When id try to clean up the room i saw all the things of her ex. He got VERY ANGRY and told me off. Hes a car salesman and said that he was with the woman to reserve the room with his credit card because a credit card was required. He used to call me like 5 times a day and now its been like once or twice a day for 5-10mins each. My husband and I have been together for 10 years. Are you waiting for a sex tape to arrive at your house? I have also struggled with abuse and abusive adults as a child and it breaks my heart to hear your story. What really can devastate a relationship is stinky feet. He says that its because he is tired of being accused of something he isnt/hasnt done. I know it feels like your world is ending .. back to the women who messaged you she wants your life she is jellouse . Sorry if my ealier statement about husbands lying and cheat seemed perhaps aggresive. If this man cheated already on his wife and currently cheating with you why would u think he would remain faithful in your relationship with him. She only comes around when he is there and I found out he called her phone and was on there for almost and hour. Hmm..that is obviously girly movie.. We get back home. My personal opinion is you need to come out of the place of mistrust. Like all women, we fell hook, line and sinkerThey got us, but still wants to live the single life. It sounds like you cant trust your husband and youre right to feel paranoid and suspicious! Thank you, Once infidelity and that type of dishonesty occur in a relationship, it is difficult to ever feel secure or fully trust that person again. But before that , before Mom died, I saw something she posted on his Facebook page that I found simply disrespectful to me so I made a snarky comment. He will eventually do it to the other person. Your marriage is one of the most important things in your life, and looking for signs your husband is cheating is devastating. I havent told our kids about this other baby cause I feel its not my responsibility to do so. He keeps being aggressive verbally saying he hates me and that it is my fault that the was unappreciated at home and that is why he was with her. He eventually messaged me on fbook through one of his friends accounts bc he doesnt have fbook. The best way to know if you can trust your husband is if he takes himself out of possibly bad situations. We built a house and moved in together in June of this year. Hes lost a lot of weight. While he may not have done through with it, the intent was there. We have been together for 8. At least he told you the truth about the strip bar. The history has probably been cleared again. However, this anger isnt always a good thing, as when your emotions take over, youre likely to say things that you might regret years later. She paused and gave him the phone and he was laughing talkin about he was just playing with me. They told me medical proof is not enough proof of the beatings. What happened to the good guys like before? hi my husband and i just got married barely 3months ago but we have been seeing each other for almost 3years before marriage.during our courtship he was the sweetest person i ever knew and so i did all i could to keep the relationship,i got pregnant for him and that was what triggered our marriage and from that time till now i found out he was just a totally different person. I dont know what to do, please help me, thanks. Not sure about his reply but other than their sickening vacation he was home every night, every weekend. Often, their refusal to just show some truthfulness and integrity is what actually makes their situation worse - not their silence. Theres alot of stress at home, with the kids and parents. Does he allow you to look at his texts or does he whisper when he is in the phone sometimes? Im so confused now. I was furious at him still am. I have entertained this woman before and she has even been around my kids. At first he said he asked for my forgiveness and since Iam very blessed, I said I can not just forgive out of the blue. I have felt like my husband has been cheating for year. SexyMom- Im very sorry that you are going thru this However, your question of whether or not things are real or fake is sort of ridiculous. I still feel like this is cheating either way. Women who think their husbands would never cheat are destroyed when they find out their husbands are lying about cheating. Theyll survive and bounce back kids are resilient especially if you maintain a healthy, strong attitude. when I asked just in case for what he just shrugged and said you and me and went back to what he was doing. We have four kids, our youngest 8months old. During that 9 mnths I realized somethingif they wanted to be together (he was single, she was single), they wouldve gotten together. And I did. He hardly ever touches me or becomes intimate with me even before we became pregnant. Then other weeks, its as if he cant have enough sex with me. BIG FLASHING SIGN HERE ChEaTiNg cHeAtInG! I have more of a life than the time to be following someone that doesnt want to be with me! Woman, you need to pack his stuff up and send him to the left! One day I looked at his phone that I pay for and saw a text saying I love you babe and he tried to make it sound like it was one of his kids baby mamas but it wasnt. May you accept the most painful reality because the first step to healing after an affair is to know if your husband is lying about cheating. I found out he cheated in the past because he has two girls younger than our children. he also gets upset if i wont let him go hang out with her by himself. But I still cant get it out of my mind that he is lieing about not having sex with her and got emotionally involved instead of being there for me. Is she your best friend and the first person you want too share things with? Danny still visits my girl when he can, once or twice a month or so and when I speak to him my husband gets very jealous and angry. When i confronted him on them he said i knew that you saw those and its not cheating. I just felt he was depressed. Whats the best option for me? I think he has a lot of potential to be a great and stable partner. Your subconscious is picking up on hints and clues, and thats why youre suspicious of him. On that day, Nov 21st, 2013, I found out he was sexting another woman. Wanted our kids to do well so he looked good . His classmates referred to them as couples. I can tell you every word you wrote resonated with me. We all do and hurt or not I want to make things better. We basically just had phone conversations mostly through out 1 1/2 years. I saw chat between him and this girl (from the same last duty station country), they try to meet up several times. Except his tell tale previous behavior of .only when Im vocally upset. Try to be supportive of her and look for support for yourself elsewhere, or her confusion could rub off on you. You also need to know yourself! Faithfulness and marriage will become something of the past and soon enough obsolete. Then for 2011 i thought this would be the year life would turn around for us.. Little did i know he would pull another trick and ask my neice to do dirty things with him.. How to Be Your Own Private Investigator https://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/is-he-cheating-how-to-be-a-private-investigator/. I feel as though the world is a dark horrible place. Our bodies produce nourishment for our child. I confronted him but he says that the lady asked him to text that so that she could make his boyfriend jealous, I dont believe this at all, on top of that he has been sex texting with his ex girlfriend telling her how he love her p***y and would like to cum in actually he asked her if she can preserve herself for him until she come back, I feel devastated, he does not admit to it, all he says I know you dont believe me but that the truth. I think until now he is up into simething. I approached him about it and he got very shirty with me and said shes just a friend . He just checked out of the marriage . I trusted him with my every being. about 6 months of visits I got pregnant with our first child. With the addition of the unrealistic expectations of porn, who can measure up through time? Some he admits to, most he denies but Im sure he is lying. I just dont know enough about your relationship or marriage to give you advice! I love him so much. He reacted instantly saying hed forgotten and reached up to the closet, and produced these beautiful, sexy clothes hed bought me, and a bottle of my new favorite perfume. Any insight or suggestion you can give is appreciated. Than I forgot about it. These are some of the signs. Ummm okay. When the guy fired him he called me to say that he had kicked D and the woman who had been riding with him out of the truck for at least 6 weeks. I dont know why I tried for years and years and hoped that someday it would get better. I have no idea who he is. But his interactions with me dont come across as just sexual interest (we havent had sex yet, not crossed that line thank goodness but are close. Make him conscious and force him to try to hide the truth even more. Is this ok? And this second girl, by their chat I would say they consider each other as a friends. Yet to this day he expects me to say sorry to him for accusing him. Maybe that is why he tooked advantage of me. I found out he had been cheating on me while we were courting and funny enough he never stopped.each time i confronted him ,he came out very defensive and made me feel like i did not know what i was saying. I asked him who he was talking to and he said he had loaned out his phone out to his friend. At least you don't have kids with this lying, non-remorseful, s.o.b. What do YOU think? I believe the answer is no, because you said you cant tell him youre thinking of counseling. I wanted out then, but he convinced me to stay. He didnt really show any type of compassion at all. Your marriage is sacred, and when your husband chooses to violate it, it leaves you feeling all kinds of emotions. He has cheated on me multiple times in the past. Not only is the age gap ridiculous, its also unreasonable for him to have an emotional attachment to another woman. Would you believe him again? I saw your post. But it did. Theyll already wonder where their dad is, and a crying mom will only worry them. I want you to come back and let me know how youre doing. But I found something else that was undeniable. Hes offering to go to therapy by himself as well as with me. Of course long distance relationship is hard, yet not impossible. When I nag, then he buys me things. My gut instinct is what got him caught and still tells me to this day that he is guilty and lied to me. Then from activity log I can see who he sent friend requests, who he deleted. He didnt battle in the sense of ups and downs, he was always fairly calm. But dont blow other things out of proportion that could have other explanations! We havent been able to reconnect emotionally very well in the past 3 years. He has made pictures by taking real life people and searching the internet and putting real people on nude bodies. sometimes when we woman are too much questioning men we pushing them far. Now hes talking in his sleep about having sex with another person.. My husband was talking to other women and lying to me. For quite some time, I looked the other way and stuffed those feelings and it made me more and more sick. When my mom came home i told her, and, from may i have heard nothing but shouting,my dad tried to cut my mother veins, while she was sleeping he almost killed her so i took his computer and threw it out the window,help me i have bruises and am abused, and so is my mother, we finally move to Greece but her mind canot be taken away from jhim, she kepps leaving text meagges voice mail and other things , my dad says its my fault, i thing hes right, because if i didnt tell my mom, my mom would not be suffering, help im only 10 and i need help, please. There are many hurtful circumstances which must have lead to the mistrust. I have only stayed because she was GONE the minute I found out. 1. It never liesif you think something is going on it prob is. I lied to him once about having sex with an ex because my ex is black and he had a problem with it. He ripped off his shirt, buttons flying everywhere and began to yell, and said Im sick of this. I asked if he is sick of me and he said yes. Check to see if theres sexual or loving words he doesnt frequently use with you. He wont. I am so sorry to hear this. With her Facebook page full of selfies with her and other men. He may not know how to express his feelings to you, and may be feeling pressure at both work and home. If you have children, you do not want to show them this as an acceptable way to treat people, or allow yourself to be treated. What should I do? I feel as if you and your husband are in a long term marriage and you find out he cheated as a one night stand or in a completely other relationship you can go to therapy find out what went wrong and work on it and slowly gain back what you once had. SO HE SAID, LET ME GIVE YOU MY CELL NUMBER. He has said over and over that he is taking our relationship seriously but I just learned that hes been texting another girl in what I consider an inappropriate manner for the past month or so (very flirtatious texts at all times of day, making plans to go to her house that he hasnt told me about, or alternatively him making excuses for why he cant go out that appear to be lies timed around when he was hanging out with me). They switched my nearly new boots with a pair that the sole was coming off. He always travelling, telling me he gonna go for work, but in the middle in the night he doesnt want to answer my call? I think that if you suspect your husband is cheating and lying to you then he probably is. He then told me he and a much younger friend met a couple of girls at a bar and my husband was just being the wingman for his friend. It got a little above him holding me and I told him its not right and I took him back to his place. He told me that she asked if they could stay in touch. I confront him, he gets angry, gets the kids involved, they get upset, and he accuses me of ruining our family. He does have a job that seems to have him out of the house a lot. I would like to also say he has been clean and sober for 1 year.. And that is something to be proud of.. Should I stay or should I go? But this is about you, not him. My question for anyone going through something similar is how did you handle it? I love my Husband so I too dont know what to do. (I can hear the douche snoring). take care i hope i give you the right advice please dont stop communicating wiht me. Then, after all these years of emotional and verbal abuse, I finally realized there was a name for someone like him. I feel he had sex with her and didnt want me to know so he made the story up. My first thought, and the reason why I wanted to end the relationship, is that someone who cheats this early on in a relationship is either a) going to have a ongoing problem with cheating or b) isnt really that interested in me, so why should I bother. It only got worse, and to make a really long story short, it continued for over a year, he went out with her one night , treated me like garbage. The problem is we get along great then out of nowhere he needs spacedoesnt need me around 24/7. We both have had infidelity issues in the past but we have worked on them and moved on. My gut instinct was screaming!! I dont care anymore, I just want this nightmare to be over, I just want to know he is with her so I finish to convince myself to separate. In my experience, once trust and respect are violated in a relationship it becomes a very painful and resentful situation unless you live in denial (which is not reality). You must tell someone. So I need to decide if I will allow myself to trust him or if I can handle all this paranoia and worry because if I cant, that should be enough for me to leave the relationship. Instead of his boss he went with a female colleague. I restrained myself and did not do it. I told him again dont lend out your phone it needs to stop . I have known my husband for 6 years and will be married for 2 on new years day. And talk to him. When I moved in to his house i really had no idea that his ex girlfriend live there too. I am having panic attacks all the time. Your strength will grow. He would spend weekends with friends, not answer his phone when I would call and now 20 years later the truth has been revealed and it all makes sense. It sounds like he did do something dodgy that night or he would of told you where he went but I suggest you talk to him very calmly and just say that you wont get mad you just need to know if hes done it again because youd like to work things out for the sake of your children if he admits or not you should get couples counselling. Now, if you walked in on him in bed with another woman, then you know hes cheating for sure. Nancy, your Husband is cheating with the young lady. Been there, had husband of 13yrs cheat on me. He says she was fun to be with. I got to follow up 2 weeks after and doctor said I was clear. Well we were on our honeymoon my husband said to me only as this girl was walking towards us at the pool o by the way that girl there i went to the bar last night and had some drinks with her and went for a walk on the beach well you were sleeping. In each case it was they who made the first approach, after my habitual flirting and compliment paying didnt seem to be going anywhere; I get pleasure from simply being polite and engaging with the ladies just as my father used to. Nov 14, 2016, 12:58 PM EST Jacquie Boyd via Getty Images Asking is the only way to know. I came from a broken home all my life I dreamed of a loving big family. We do have an 8 month old baby boy btw. He is remorseful at hurting me and our marriage. When asked he told that those were for some game they were going to play for party. How can we move past this and will he ever cheat again? That is loving yourself and the solution starts there sweetie. What do you want your husband to know about how you feel about the texts hes sending his ex? So I decided to give him a last chance because I have faced too much obstacles in order to get married with him. when you ask your man are you cheating on me, you are actually saying in your place, I would have already cheated, I cant believe you havent yet. Makes me feel bad when I dont want to have sex. My children had such an unpredictable childhood and the guilt and shame I feel now only adds to the pain this man has caused me. Not you & who ever catches his eye! I think they have a better handle on whats going on than I ever could (because they know you!). Emotionally, sexually, every aspect. Maybe thats the best place to start. Its come to the point they are stealing my clothes knowing I dont have much that fits me do to weight loss from stress and nerves being shot. I keep having nightmares hes cheating again but he swears hes not and I should trust him again. My relationship with my husband was rocky from the very beginming which was early 2002. He geta defensive when I ask small questions. But I see through him.. Available on Amazon or most bookstores Kindle or paperback! Home About Us The First Step Read or Listen What We Offer Reviews Contact. He always denied,Iam really sick and tired his way. Why not leave me and go be single and have all these women he can have. Faithfulness is difficult for some but very do-able! He stopped inviting me to his company picnics 6. Which makes you question the way you look and dress, and could even make you wonder about your personality. But the video chat picture was saved in his laptop and IPAD2. We dont live together, but (two times ) when were talking on the phone while everything is so crazily amazing his phone rang and he did not pick up the phone, which is odd since sometimes he does. We I confronted him once he was very defensive and said he would never cheat on me. Maybe he didnt. I dont know what to think, I dont want to act accusing, but at the same time, there are only so many excuses I can tolerate. It limits me so much. Now that hes back I assumed everything would be better. She loses. i have been only married for a year and my husband is bi-sexual since he started this new job he has been giving a female coworker a ride to work even though she lives right down the street from their job but it is cold outside but he always calls her or text her after i leave for work. He just wanted to feel something. You are correct in saying that something is wrong. What does your gut tell you about your husband? I feel I am going crazyAny advise. He lies often I dont believe anything he says anymore. Yet, other times he gets angry, cussed at me, tells me I need mental help and that Im crazy for accusing him. I just need as many opinions I can get on whats going on.kind of makes me think its still going on because of how she said she was done and then changed her mind after he explained what happened and he couldnt help it. Has had several FB conversations that made my jaw drop, telling one of his old friends (female) I am crazy, hes stuck, hes stuck between a rock and a hard place because of our child, he would prefer a single life right now, I dont love him the same. Thats the scary part.I ignored what I felt in my belly for years, I tried to hope and pretend it wasnt happening or that it would change. I think you are 100% correct in wanting to end the relationship because you cant trust him. He was very critical of me 3. I am worth the life I picture that has me Happy, Whole, and Complete. Hes not very affectionate and he can go months without having sex with me. He never admitted to anything other than hugging. I dont know what to do and its driving me insane to always be wondering whats going on. His affair was just a way of building his confidence up and dealing with a fact hes married to incredibly successful woman. He makes it sound like I am crazy and tells me not everything is about me! Am I crazy? I hope he burns in hell. Jan, you are correct in a round about way. Hi. It was a total shock . I know its wrong to go through his phone but I had a gut feeling that this was going on I dont know what to do or how to confront him about this. When accidentally i saw his phone password i tried to open it and bouala there it hoes all the msg. She texts me a lot but not as much as she does him. However, you may wish to attend a therapist yourself to work through your feelings and what went wrong in your marriage. My Husband Cheated On Me (10 Things You Should Do Immediately), The most important thing you need to do after hearing this devastating news is to find out if its, 1: Make Sure Hes Actually Cheating On You, 10: If You Take Your Husband Back, Make Sure Youre Happy, A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. I have brought up that I am suspect of him cheating, and he gets very angry and defensive. I want to believe that he didnt sleep with any of these women but deep down I dont trust him at all. We still had feelings for each other. Trust me, in your heart, or in that spot 2 inches behind your belly button, you can feel it. Well one evening he came home after their father died and asked me if I was going to the wake. When I was cheated on I also wanted to know all the details. Well he falls asleep and I went through his phone and found somethings from a female he said was like a sister. He PREYS on vulnerable woman like myself. I hope this helps a little.Im sorry I cant give you the answers you need! Don't get drawn into doing stuff you're not comfortable with. Plus, Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute shares four ways to know if yourhusband is lying about cheating. God, I wish He would tell me the truth! I know these arent healthy reasons to stay, but knowing he has Narcisstic Behavior Disorder, makes it easier. Who needs it? We have the ability to grow life inside our bodies. I want so much to believe me but that little voice tells me hes not being faithful to me. I feel like I will never be able to fully get past this until he admits I was not crazy and he was having an affair. ive told him to stop because hes watching my heart break without realizing it. Any woman who knows her husband has cheated on her more than one time AND stays with him deserves what she gets. I see her at work daily. In the first year or so he had lied a few times about drug use which caused me to loose trust I noticed he has put a lock on his phone. because Ive been cheated on and I know how it feels. Marriage for 43 yrs. It was a friend, who also disliked the girl. With time, you will feel it I promise. Ive caught him twice talking to another girl, One was an accident victim he saved in an accident he was first responder, and that conversation was only about meeting for lunch and him saying hell ask his boss for an extended lunch (never once has he ever offered that to me) this chick did have a boyfriend. He tried to blame me , that I wasnt loving enough, wasnt complimentary enough . You must be honest. I am so lost and need resolution I think before I can walk away? However, before we dive into these steps, its important you read the next few sentences carefully. Youve caught him cheating three times. I confronted him with findings. us band works away i n ontario for 28 days n h omw for 2 weeks during all this time he constanltly accusse me of cheating or men coming on to me..I have never done nethin to cheat or give him reason to think I have or would..one day evrything is perfect n th e next terrible n fighting..he tells me somethin is wrong n that its worse then cheating..n doesnt know how to tell me I dont know wat to do or say nemore I have treied it all ne adivce, Ok so i have been with this guy for 3 years now and of course when i got with him i knew that he had a girlfriend and 2 kids with her but at the same he told me he hated her and didnt like her she was only living at his house for the kids and of course he lives with his parents. Always believe your husband's nonverbal cues, especially if you suspect he's lying about cheating. Once you read some of this youll have an idea of what to do. 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